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We don’t listen, I don’t matter
“We” as a family might contain a secret code of silence, with “speech restraint” that increased the inability to speak up for ourselves and therefore betraying the “I”. Loyalty to “We” including the parents or authority figures who might put us to shame when we want to ask for what matter most to us, which explained why our “I” don’t matter. So the survival experiences that show up in our daily lives for example, like poor health, lack of wealth, addiction, difficult relationships with others, could be our surviving strategies, to comply with “We”. So when I am ready to choose to focus on myself, that “I” do matter, and to contact with my traumatised emotions, I can gradually begin to regain my autonomy.
Raymond Foong, Identity Facilitator, Counsellor, Founder of System of the Heart Community, Asia.