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Who am I? What do I want?
We see ourselves as adults, certain that we know exactly what we want and what we don’t. When we take a closer look, however, we discover that we don’t actually have our own will at our disposal. Starting from birth, we have spent our lives simply reacting to what others have expected from us.
In order to develop a healthy sense of identity, what we need is unconditional acceptance from our parents from day one. Many of us have never experienced unconditional love. We have had the experience of not being good enough, not being wanted, being born at the wrong time – too early, too late, with the wrong sex, maybe even surviving an abortion attempt.
The feeling of rejection leaves deep marks. In the hope of getting the love we wish for, we push ourselves very hard, aligning ourselves with expectations from the outside world. What kind of person should I be so that Mom and Dad will love me?
We transfer this relationship pattern onto other relationships: what kind of person should I be so that my partner will love me? What do my children, my boss, my colleagues, or the environment expect from me?
A life guided by external expectations is exhausting. Will I ever be good enough?
Through gentle recollection of painful experiences in our relationships, we gradually find our way back to our own “I” and our own “WANT,” getting a better idea of who we really are.
Elena Pfarr, born 1976, mother of two children, has been running her own practice in Ulm since 2012. German diploma degree in Business Administration, Logotherapy and Existential Analysis according to Viktor Frankl, hospice volunteer work, Attachment Psychotherapy according to Karl Heinz Brisch, Crucible® Neurobiological Therapy with Dr. David Schnarch, Identity-Oriented Psychotrauma Therapy (IoPT) according to Prof. Franz Ruppert.