Relationship addiction means the inability to let go of a person although being together with that person has destructive consequences on one‘s own psychological and physical well-being.
Destructive behaviour patterns like permanent quarreling, power fights, jealousy dramas with mutual blaming in couple relationships are survival strategies.
Adults from so-called risk families (poverty, alcohol, physical violence/sexual abuse, separation/divorce of the parents) in their childhood experienced extreme threats by their traumatised parents. Later many of them take up helping professions.
About attachment and finding
Attachment researchers have found that very early in life each individual develops an attachment pattern. This attachment pattern repeats itself during life and coins following relationships.
We can distinguish four different attachment patterns.
- secure attachment
- insecure-avoiding attachment
- insecure-ambivalent attachment
- disorganised attachment
We are unconsciously looking for the partner who “helps“ us to re-enact so far unresolved early childhood traumatisation.
The constellation of the intention reveals the predominant attachment pattern and helps to inegrate psychological splits. Often in the course of a constellation it appears that someone is still entangled with the parents (e.g. by grief, fear, pain etc.). Symbiotic entanglements with parents can be solved.
From harming relationship dynamics to respectful togetherness
Not before we have arrived at ourselves healthy autonomous couple relationships work out. Here both can encounter as individuals who neither need to idealize nor demonize each other. Love relationships that give room to conflicts and do not endanger the attachment because in a healthy couple relationship each individual lives their individuality responsibly and respects personal boundaries.
There is the opportunity for one constellation.
Marion Nebbe, born 1955
Since 1995 I work in my own practice. Part time I am a systemic couple and family counseller in a youth welfare organisation in Munich.
Comprehensive experience in couple and family counselling.
Multigenerational psychotraumatology, constellation of the intention after Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert.
Tel. 0049 (0)89 37985355