Children and their traumatized Parents
I would like to make clear in this workshop, how valuable the reflection of parents and grandparents on their own trauma biography is. This process is very helpful to allow children the development of a healthy self with own will, own feelings, so that they later as adults can be grounded in a healthy identity.
The I-development is embedded in the We-development and at first the child searches “We" in the mother. If the mother is not available emotionally, the child tries to compensate this by safe connection with the father or the grandparents. The offers for identification always come from outside and in its best from the mother. If the mother has no clear identity the child has only the possibility to connect with the trauma feelings of the mother to be emotionally in contact with her. The child gives his up own his own will and I. He cannot differentiate any more between own and feelings from the mother. His healthy I-development is severely disturbed. Because of my own identity trauma, I was not able to build up emotional contact neither with my mother, nor with my father, because they were deeply traumatized. For years I myself chewed nails, a sign of my unaware suppressed auto aggression. In this manner I expressed trauma feelings which I did not feel any more.
In this workshop, I would like to explain some examples from my practice. Parents are mostly not aware of her own traumas and are often fixated on the illness symptoms of their children (e. g. stomachaches, bedwetting, sleep-concentration problems) or believe that there is no recognizable reason for their children’s remarkable behaviour (aggression, fear, nails chew, ...). The Intention method can help to recognize own identity trauma or trauma of the love, to find out gradually a good relationship with oneself, to develop the wish for a healthy parental/child relationship and to live this practically. A practical work will be done in this workshop.
Birgit Schaumburg, born in 1960, married, two adult children, two grandchildren, working as a Qualified Social Pedagogue, Naturopath and Trauma Therapist in private practice for over 20 years in Esslingen.